Stuck....

Seems like lately i am also stuck in between situations and lines that i don't know how to get out of. Its not like i purposely get myself in situations like this. However this problem keeps getting in my life. If i try to solve either one of the side. The other side will not be very happy with my doings although what i am doing is right. Seems like i am always the middle man and to suffer the aftermath of it the most. When will this stop? You tell me when. So everyday i am fighting with life hopefully to overcome it without hurting anybody or killing anyone feelings. But put it in another way, when there is war there will be bloodshed. When there is bloodshed, there will be people dying. When people die it usually will be someone dearest to him or her and when that happens, that person will have an emotional breakdown due to that incident. So the same thing apply to the situation i am having now, just that nobody is going die just hurt from the inside. That deep scar inside which is it very hard to heal. However people say give it time and any wound can be heal. I really do believe that statement a long time ago but now i start to shift my believes towards that statement. I have been in many situations like that and no matter how small the wound inside is. It seems to never heal although after a long period of time.

Putting that aside, recently i have been trail by a shadow. A big shadow which the name should not be named. By the way i am not talking about Voldermot from the Harry Potter series. Well i will let the readers to figure out (I don't think so people read this blog anymore). Usually u see shadow in the morning and afternoon only which it is cause by the sun. When night falls the shadow disappears into the darkness as it blend in with the dark.However this shadow follows me day and night and i can also see it during the dark. A big distinguish figure which i could never miss out. I have try to tell the shadow to stop pursuing me and to stop trailing me but it never listen. Still following hard trying to strike me like a homing missile. This shadow keep striking back harder and harder every time. I don't like to be mean but if i don't it wont stop. As you can see shadow are a natural phenomena. So i can clearly understand how it feels. However let me warn it. Do not cross the line or you may never from another shadow again and i am very sure of that. Having said that, there are many things a shadow can take shape, doesn't necessary needs to be mine. You can search for others. As i am doing that also but have not been successful enough. I too have been a shadow following this person. This person know about my sightings but i have been a quite one. I am not an aggressive type. So i respect and understands the person decision although i have strike to ask for another chance but i still fall. So with that i can only be a shadow that accompany that person quietly to where ever that person may go as long as my shadow is there to see and to protect it if it is possible. Maybe my actions can win over and soften HER heart..... For now i am just a sitting shadow STUCK.

Update...

It has been a really long time since i have updated my blog. The reasons are my time is always pack since i am now i college and i have to pick one of the hardest course in the word to study. Haiz... Anyway this course is really hard i have to admit it. Even i cant barely keep up with the syllabus. I mean seriously is just too much to learn for a 2 year course cramped into 1 and a half year and not to mention minus the days of holidays. After that will leave my maybe about a year to learn everything and to complete my A2. Sighs.....

I am definitely not enjoying this year as much as the previous. I am always stressful, results are bad even though i study, the lecture try to kill us with exam question which i don't think so is practical. Then there is also to balance the time between studies and entertainment. I miss my friends. I seldom hang out with them, not as often as the previous years since we are all busy with college and other stuff.

Another matter is i think i have gone through it. I can finally put the pass behind hat very incident that clouded my mind up till now, i think i can finally forget about it. However there is a feeling inside me that i want to know about it. Maybe it is just not the right time and when the time has come maybe then i will get this golden opportunity to start it. Form there i will see how it goes.

Dead End...

I have seriously hit a dead end and i seriously don't have an idea to find another way. I have been thinking about it and still couldn't come out with a solution. Sitting all alone, walking in the park then sitting at the bench near the park and i still come out with nothing. Feels like i am so hopeless. However it looks like a small problem but to solve it is just so hard. I headed to this end this very morning when i have received an unexpected text. After that, this huge wall appear right in front of me and i am not able to climb over the wall nor force my way through the wall. Getting across the wall. it is such a small problem but the catch is to scale the wall unharmed and not damaging it. If there were no catch. i would just use a dynamite to blast my way through.. Then you may think why don't use a ladder? It is simple. There is no ladder for me to use. There is no short cut for me to use. I cannot use anything to get through except for my very own naked body.

Blasting through it sounds so fun. There is this rush of excitement and it would end very quickly. However i don't have the heart to do it. I don't want to hurt it. I want to scale it for the both of us are unharmed and happy as we were always. I know that this is a very tall order but i am for sure i can find the solution. Maybe now my brain is just been clouded by thoughts of misery and sorrow. If that is the case i just need to wait for the right wind to clear the cloud in my brain. When that happens the sun will rise and give birth to many great happening and to many great endings. So now i will hope and pray for i may get a solution for this seems like a minuscule problem.

Human Nature....

Humans are indeed a very complex organisms. They are very brittle and very hard to understand. You may have know him or her for many many years and yet you still wont anything about her. Maybe you will know the most is about a persons habits and name. Anyway it is funny a that now you are sitting, talking and laughing with your friends but a few minutes later your facial expression changes not because the friends your are talking to had made you so but because of something else. Something that the person is now suffering will not tell. This is what i call a person is now in am emo state. Imagine a person was happy and talking for the past few minutes suddenly turns gloomy and become very silent. He or she secluding him or herself form everyone else. Doesn't want to talk to anyone. Thinking into a very deep deep thought that nobody can figure out. It is kind of a scary situation to be in. When you ask whats wrong they will just push you away and say just leave me alone. I need some peace. Don't disturb me. Then we all will just sit there and start to monitor that person making sure they don't try anything stupid maybe? However a few hours or minutes later, they come how turn back to their old happy self. It is like as if they have never been through that emo stage. I don't know about you guys. However i find it quite funny that we humans are capable of doing so.

Someone was in an emo state but few minutes later we go back to normal. It is like we have some mental illness or so. A growth maybe in our brain but i doubt so as it is a stupid theory. Having to seen those happening for myself and also going through that process. I keep wondering what trigger us to act like so. Is it our nature to act so when we feel down or when something is very wrong? For some reason i know that maybe it is because of one simple phone call or sms. These can ultimately change an expression of a person form happy to sad, angry to happy or vise versa. To be being emo is a very tiring process. It is a waste of energy in doing so. But who cant prevent it form happening? Even we humans as complex as we can be, we have a hard time controlling our own emotions let figuring out or trying to comforting a person (why they are emo and when they are emo). I guess the best solution really is to just leave them alone and let there mind and soul rest and to cool down then only approach them. Seems like this world is filled with emo people. What i can is that we people are complex so we tend to have complex emotion as well.

Another things is i have met people who like to cry. I have never met a person who like to cry in my life. I keep wondering and asking myself why a person like to cry. After a long time thinking i have come out with rational reason why. To me it is to get other peoples attention. As in to get other peoples compensation towards your sorrow cause no one cares about you in this world. We tend to rule out parents as we think that they don't understand us at all. We have a different mind set as them. Next of course they want people to pity them to to therefore take notice of them. Some People see it as cute and they are attracted to what i call fake tears or better know as crocodile tears. Here is another question. How do we know the tears are fake or not? This is yet another complex emotion that we humans have. We can fake our emotions to gain others compensation. As in we are like using people. We can lie to our self in how we feel but not for long. The real feeling will always come back haunting us.

This is a very vast topic. The reason i wrote this is that i see many people in sorrow, sad. emo and lost people. They keep dwelling into their dark past never looking towards the future it seems. It is quite frightening and sad at the same time to see such people. I also feel like helping them but before i don i ask myself this question ( Yes it is my friend. But if i help that person he or she will say i am nosy cause they will think i want to know what is happening over actually wanting to help) and also i don't want to get into trouble. Being the middle person sucks. I have been the middle person for many situations and i think is time for me to stop being so. I am not saying that helping people is bad but what i am saying is just know your border line. When is the right time to help, In what situation i should help and am i capable of fully helping or will i make it worst.

Lastly to all the people: Smile more don't be in that sad state =D

Broken Bits and Pieces

My blog have been dead for a good 2 months already. Well i don't know what to blog about anyway and nobody read it. Haha.... My life cycle now is pretty much the same didn't change much although now i am in college right know. The fact is now that A levels is much more harder than SPM. It is really a lot harder. I have to also be high gear or not i will be left out form the subject i am taking. Currently i am taking 3 science subjects and one maths plus General Paper and also Malaysian Studies. Thank god i don't have to take Malaysian Studies next semester. Recently have people say i am getting more blur lately. I also feel that way but i don't know why. Maybe it is because there are many things running through my mind at once or maybe i am thinking too much. All that i know that if a certain topic arises like..... i will think back about my pass, back to that very moment. I don't know why. Could it be that i cannot truly forget about it? Or the scar this time is really too deep untill time really cannot recover the wound i have. The wound that was inflicted by a certain someone. However all i could say that i try to forget about it. Sometimes i do can forget about it but only a certain period. After that i will remember about it all over again. Especially when people talk about it. Saying i will tell her what you did. I will tell her that you are so bad. He cannot concentrate because he is thinking of her la.... He wont like this... cause he already got her. When people say these as i mention above i will start to dwell into the past and have flash backs on that moment. I have never have something so stuck into my head for so long.

This is also another funny thing about me. When i see a couple, i will have a feeling of envy and jealousy. I think it is because that i really could live a sweet life like that during that time. However i soon realise that what i desire is still a dream and it is still far from my reach. During that period, i also blame god. Why he couldn't give me that life when i had the change. Why take it away from me when it is so close to me? I can already feel it. Is it because i am not ready yet? Or is because i have done many bad things and this is your way of punishing me. Taking away my happiness who i think i have met my other half. Why is it so unfair.

As i am writing this down of course i am thinking back all the memories i had with her. The fun ones of course i will cherish it but the bitter ones i cant just forget about it. It seems that it comes in a package. There will be bitter and sweet ones. It wont be all sweet nor all bitter. This is life i presume, always balance. Every action have an equal and opposite reaction. It is really just so hard to forget about it. I always wonder what would it be like if we were still together or still communicating. Now i have completely lost contact with her. When i first heard the news, i was stunt. I went to sleep with a broken heart that cannot be seal up. Untill now it has not been completely seal up.

Well for now i will just try my best to forget about it. I will over flow my memory with happy moments untill my sadness washes away from me ^^

It Has Ended With A FULL STOP [.]

It has ended with a full stop. To be happy or sad? I do not know how to be. What will happen next to me? Only god know that answer. I shall wait patiently for what will awaits me in the mere future. I shall not dwell in the pass any more. As it was pleasant with the company i had before it ended. I am not lost nor depressed nor happy. It is a feeling i cannot describe in words. You must go through it to understand how i feel now. However i doubt that any people in this world have done what i have done before it ended. It seems that the time is not short nor long. I knew that this will happen from the beginning before i start and it didn't ended with a BANG, which i am grateful as i already brace myself. So as a precaution i didn't expect much form it. However, i just enjoy the moment i had. It is a great memory to cherish and to flash back As the memories of that time are sheer joy. I didn't regret knowing you. But i hope it didn't ended in this way, at least not so soon perhaps. I also know that many people say bad things about you. Be positive as people are not right all the time. You must be confidence to yourself. Although you told me that many people regretted knowing you. I will say again that i did not from the bottom of my heart. Nevertheless, it is the time for me to let go and to begin a new chapter in life. There are still many empty or blank pages for me to write for a chapter for a book and this new chapter of me begins right after i finish writing to end this chapter. The book may have endless of chapters. Chapters that are full of obstacles, fun, joy and also sorrow. I am sure that every single human being are sure to encounter this. I will say that the book will end with the last chapter when i breath the last air of the earth. Then only will my book end. I thank you for telling me the truth and not hiding it from me as i know it is not easy to tell because you are the one who started it. So it would be great for u to end it as well since you are the one who started it. I can proudly say that knowing for so long that I did not see you as a person like others have said and you don't need to feel guilty or selfish to have end it as i understand it.

With this last sentence written in the last page of this chapter. I hereby have ended this chapter in my book and a new chapter awaits for me to write. I wonder what will be the next chapter be?

Trust.....

How mush u trust someone. Will tell all your secrets to person whom u trust the most? and will he or she really will keep it a secret forever? Well i let u to decide on that. It is not easy to gain a person trust nor to earn their trust. However it is really easy to loose that trust. It just take a minute or two and the chain of trust is broken. Once the person found out that u are telling his or her secret. I can say that in order to repair the chain of trust is not easy. It is even harder to rebuild that chain of trust, that link. When a chain is broken. We try to fix it. Even though we weld the two broken chain together, there is still a certain part or point where there is a weak spot. That spot will eventually break again after that certain time. Means that although we have regain back that persons trust, he or she will not trust us as the first time they trusted or untrusted in. They will tend not to share anymore nor speak of certain things about there life that maybe could cause their happiness or life dearly. Secrets can be a person friend and also enemy. It depends how well we deal with it. I would say that there is no secret too big in this word. It is just who the person you told too and how well they keep our secret. They even said it out behind our backs and we will never notice it.

Those who have revealed others secrets will forever stain the hearts of that person who really trusted you since after knowing you for so long and well. That stain may not even be remove no matter how hard you try to wash it. No matter how much effort and time you put it the stain will remain may be the stain just faded a bit but the damage is already done. It is a irreversible process but why we tend to tell others although we know it is a secret. Does it hurt to tell a secret to a person in order to help him or her for doing somethg good? Why life is so unfair? You are helping a person bit a third party say that if you help him or her you end up being my enemy and loose my trust but if i dot help that person will suffer. What are you going to do if you were me? Being a good person is hard enough but being a bad person is also bad. Then what type of person shall we humans be then?

Destroyed...

Well i didn't update my blog for a very time now and i think i should update it. My blog has been pretty dead and it is time u revive it. Today is the last day of Chinese New Year so there will be lots of Boom today to mark the end of it. My life is pretty much the same. Nothing interesting happen. Just the same whole routine everyday. Day after day is the same. Then there is this day which i think i should not read about it. However out of curiosity i went and read it. After reading it, It bring me way back to the past into that time. In that very room itself. Where it happen. ME myself have wish for it not to happen but it did. I never in tented to hurt anyone. All i want is to clear things up but it seems like i have taken a wrong path to resolve it. No matter how many times i say sorry or try to explain. You will never forgive me or try to forget. Dwelling back to the past i see myself as a destroyer. I have destroyed once happiness that took time for her to built with her own hands. It took time to built as well as commitment. As you can say Greek wasn't built in one day as well. Stepping into the room i have simply destroyed or rather erase the happy memories of that person.

As you know now i really felt guilty now. I should just close my eyes and just let time speak itself but i couldn't. I have to do something about it and now look at what i have done. Although, you didn't voice out on me but i know that deep inside you feel disappointed. You have a saying that why do i have friends like this. So this is your true colours. You have finally show your strips. Finally show your true nature. Whatever i say my message just wont go to you. It will be block out by your sorrow and your disappointed. Why you didn't stand up for him. Is he not your friend. Yes indeed he is my friend and i didn't it to help him not to hurt. Instead i end up hurting the both of you. How i wish i can turn back the clock to that hour to prevent this form happening. Maybe things will be better if it didn't happen at all. Yet again it may not be true. What is done have been done. I cannot take back my words and action. I just wish you can forget about it and start a new life fresh form it. I know that our friendship will end because of that. I just wish that this all didn't happen at all and we all just live how life suppose to be. It is me who cause this and now many are feeling the after effects even now. I also know that what ever i say or do can never correct it. I can only now prevent it from happening again.

I am a destroyer.... I have destroyed a person happiness and it will continue to haunt both of us for the past present and the future.

It Is Over...

Yes my work is finally over. No more long hours of standing and serving guests. No more wake up early in the morning to take the bus to work so that i am not late for work. But all that i have been through, i do learn alot form work. I really learn alot about lenses and how spectacles works. I also learn about sunglasses and about Index as well. The coolest thing i learn is that i learn to use the machine to check your eye power and your lens power. Of course i have to thank my senior for teaching me. Well at work i didn't meet mew friends, however everyone was nice. I have learn alot from them. Most of them are college student taking optometry. So they also work there to gain some experience. The funny thing is that i don't know why my manager would hire me that have zero knowledge about lenses whereas all the other workers their cups are filled with it as they are studying optometry. I could say that i enjoy my work and the pay is great. However i do wish it it a but longer, so i can earn more money. Well during work i also realise that there are many type of people in this world.

Well i realise this while servicing the customer. Some are bloody rich and just simply pick one glasses and then buy it. No need to think about the money matter. If it look nice then just buy it. Another is they can afford to buy it but still want to buy so they will look classy and the society will not look down on the person. These type of people are all mesmerize with the branded stuff like PRADA or GUCCI. They just simply have to buy it no matter what in order to be look up by others. Some they really take their time and think about it and also compare with other type of specs. They think hard and deep and keep comparing until they are satisfy with it. Some will scarifies looks over comfort and vice verse. What i don't like is that people bargain over the price. I mean it is already 40-50% off. What more do you want. While some simply ask for free gifts.

Now since work is over, i am back to my old routine. Nothing interesting. Now i am currently hook on watchingthe anime Bleach. It is so addictive and the story line is also good. As for Naruto i have watch until the latest episode. Haha... This Saturday i will return to school to help out with the road-run.

Work....

I didn't online for a very long time cause i am busy working at 1U. Well i am currently working part time there. I am selling spectacles and sunglasses for a very good price cause now got promotion. I am working at the old wing at the concourse area near Poh Kong in front of JUSCO. First day of work was so blur and was bullied by the other part time workers cause they know a lot more about specs than me. So all the customers i had i have to pass to them cause i don't know how to answer them and what are they looking for. I need to know more about the surrounding. By the way, i am not working in a shop it is a exhibition. i will be only working until the 17 jan. Today i took a break cause my family got plans. Tomorrow i will be working again. The working atmosphere is intense. Every staff there is fighting for customers. Everyone is hungry for commission and customers. Some staff even steal your customer if you don't follow them carefully. I am saying is like we are stalking our customer. It is really quite a tough job with long working hours. This really make my leg ache and my muscle to harden and tighten. My muscle harden in a strange way as in harden like a dead bodies muscles way. It is so weird. Well at least the senior staff is nice there. They help me a lot and gave me a lot of information about their products But for me it is still not enough. There is still more to learn to fully understand the products and the customers needs and the type of specs they want to buy.

Well while working i saw many familiar faces and friends. I also get to serve one of 8 Tv's host. The host of Ho Chak season 1, the lady (forgot the name.... Lol). It is a good experience to work and i can understand what i am wearing now way better and i wont get cheated in the future... XD.

Those who want to my sunglasses and spectacles please look for me. We have discount from 40%-50% for all products and special packages for specs.We sell many branded sunglasses form Gucci, Prada, Guess you name it, we have it. Do visit.... Lol

First post of the year....

Yes indeed this is my first post of the year 2010. Well there is nothing happening in my life. My life now is pretty dull as i am bored to death at home. Every morning now i wake up at 6 in the morning with my sisters. Actually i am awaken by he noise they make early in the morning and i could not go back to sleep afterwards. I kind of miss school life now. All the fun times i get to spend with my friends are all happening at school. I wish i can get back to school. Well to entertain my boredom i found myself a job at 1u. I will be working starting tomorrow. I will be working as a sales as in selling spectacles. I would say it will be a tiring job as i work 12 hours per day and i have to take the public transport to get my way around.

Well i believe all of us have different road to take now and we have all part of for our different ways. However, our goal still remains the same no matter what road we take. That goal will be successful in the future. Although we take different roads that branches out to a few more roads, in the end in will come to one road. And that road we travel will end went we accomplish what we have long dream since in school. But the road we take is not easy to travel as there are many danger that awaits us. The outside world is harsh and cold-blooded. It is not for the weak to travel. So we must muscle our way through. Do not dwell in the past. We must look forward and be strong for the future. We must show no weak spots or the society will hunt us down like a prey.