Dead End...

I have seriously hit a dead end and i seriously don't have an idea to find another way. I have been thinking about it and still couldn't come out with a solution. Sitting all alone, walking in the park then sitting at the bench near the park and i still come out with nothing. Feels like i am so hopeless. However it looks like a small problem but to solve it is just so hard. I headed to this end this very morning when i have received an unexpected text. After that, this huge wall appear right in front of me and i am not able to climb over the wall nor force my way through the wall. Getting across the wall. it is such a small problem but the catch is to scale the wall unharmed and not damaging it. If there were no catch. i would just use a dynamite to blast my way through.. Then you may think why don't use a ladder? It is simple. There is no ladder for me to use. There is no short cut for me to use. I cannot use anything to get through except for my very own naked body.

Blasting through it sounds so fun. There is this rush of excitement and it would end very quickly. However i don't have the heart to do it. I don't want to hurt it. I want to scale it for the both of us are unharmed and happy as we were always. I know that this is a very tall order but i am for sure i can find the solution. Maybe now my brain is just been clouded by thoughts of misery and sorrow. If that is the case i just need to wait for the right wind to clear the cloud in my brain. When that happens the sun will rise and give birth to many great happening and to many great endings. So now i will hope and pray for i may get a solution for this seems like a minuscule problem.

Human Nature....

Humans are indeed a very complex organisms. They are very brittle and very hard to understand. You may have know him or her for many many years and yet you still wont anything about her. Maybe you will know the most is about a persons habits and name. Anyway it is funny a that now you are sitting, talking and laughing with your friends but a few minutes later your facial expression changes not because the friends your are talking to had made you so but because of something else. Something that the person is now suffering will not tell. This is what i call a person is now in am emo state. Imagine a person was happy and talking for the past few minutes suddenly turns gloomy and become very silent. He or she secluding him or herself form everyone else. Doesn't want to talk to anyone. Thinking into a very deep deep thought that nobody can figure out. It is kind of a scary situation to be in. When you ask whats wrong they will just push you away and say just leave me alone. I need some peace. Don't disturb me. Then we all will just sit there and start to monitor that person making sure they don't try anything stupid maybe? However a few hours or minutes later, they come how turn back to their old happy self. It is like as if they have never been through that emo stage. I don't know about you guys. However i find it quite funny that we humans are capable of doing so.

Someone was in an emo state but few minutes later we go back to normal. It is like we have some mental illness or so. A growth maybe in our brain but i doubt so as it is a stupid theory. Having to seen those happening for myself and also going through that process. I keep wondering what trigger us to act like so. Is it our nature to act so when we feel down or when something is very wrong? For some reason i know that maybe it is because of one simple phone call or sms. These can ultimately change an expression of a person form happy to sad, angry to happy or vise versa. To be being emo is a very tiring process. It is a waste of energy in doing so. But who cant prevent it form happening? Even we humans as complex as we can be, we have a hard time controlling our own emotions let figuring out or trying to comforting a person (why they are emo and when they are emo). I guess the best solution really is to just leave them alone and let there mind and soul rest and to cool down then only approach them. Seems like this world is filled with emo people. What i can is that we people are complex so we tend to have complex emotion as well.

Another things is i have met people who like to cry. I have never met a person who like to cry in my life. I keep wondering and asking myself why a person like to cry. After a long time thinking i have come out with rational reason why. To me it is to get other peoples attention. As in to get other peoples compensation towards your sorrow cause no one cares about you in this world. We tend to rule out parents as we think that they don't understand us at all. We have a different mind set as them. Next of course they want people to pity them to to therefore take notice of them. Some People see it as cute and they are attracted to what i call fake tears or better know as crocodile tears. Here is another question. How do we know the tears are fake or not? This is yet another complex emotion that we humans have. We can fake our emotions to gain others compensation. As in we are like using people. We can lie to our self in how we feel but not for long. The real feeling will always come back haunting us.

This is a very vast topic. The reason i wrote this is that i see many people in sorrow, sad. emo and lost people. They keep dwelling into their dark past never looking towards the future it seems. It is quite frightening and sad at the same time to see such people. I also feel like helping them but before i don i ask myself this question ( Yes it is my friend. But if i help that person he or she will say i am nosy cause they will think i want to know what is happening over actually wanting to help) and also i don't want to get into trouble. Being the middle person sucks. I have been the middle person for many situations and i think is time for me to stop being so. I am not saying that helping people is bad but what i am saying is just know your border line. When is the right time to help, In what situation i should help and am i capable of fully helping or will i make it worst.

Lastly to all the people: Smile more don't be in that sad state =D

Broken Bits and Pieces

My blog have been dead for a good 2 months already. Well i don't know what to blog about anyway and nobody read it. Haha.... My life cycle now is pretty much the same didn't change much although now i am in college right know. The fact is now that A levels is much more harder than SPM. It is really a lot harder. I have to also be high gear or not i will be left out form the subject i am taking. Currently i am taking 3 science subjects and one maths plus General Paper and also Malaysian Studies. Thank god i don't have to take Malaysian Studies next semester. Recently have people say i am getting more blur lately. I also feel that way but i don't know why. Maybe it is because there are many things running through my mind at once or maybe i am thinking too much. All that i know that if a certain topic arises like..... i will think back about my pass, back to that very moment. I don't know why. Could it be that i cannot truly forget about it? Or the scar this time is really too deep untill time really cannot recover the wound i have. The wound that was inflicted by a certain someone. However all i could say that i try to forget about it. Sometimes i do can forget about it but only a certain period. After that i will remember about it all over again. Especially when people talk about it. Saying i will tell her what you did. I will tell her that you are so bad. He cannot concentrate because he is thinking of her la.... He wont like this... cause he already got her. When people say these as i mention above i will start to dwell into the past and have flash backs on that moment. I have never have something so stuck into my head for so long.

This is also another funny thing about me. When i see a couple, i will have a feeling of envy and jealousy. I think it is because that i really could live a sweet life like that during that time. However i soon realise that what i desire is still a dream and it is still far from my reach. During that period, i also blame god. Why he couldn't give me that life when i had the change. Why take it away from me when it is so close to me? I can already feel it. Is it because i am not ready yet? Or is because i have done many bad things and this is your way of punishing me. Taking away my happiness who i think i have met my other half. Why is it so unfair.

As i am writing this down of course i am thinking back all the memories i had with her. The fun ones of course i will cherish it but the bitter ones i cant just forget about it. It seems that it comes in a package. There will be bitter and sweet ones. It wont be all sweet nor all bitter. This is life i presume, always balance. Every action have an equal and opposite reaction. It is really just so hard to forget about it. I always wonder what would it be like if we were still together or still communicating. Now i have completely lost contact with her. When i first heard the news, i was stunt. I went to sleep with a broken heart that cannot be seal up. Untill now it has not been completely seal up.

Well for now i will just try my best to forget about it. I will over flow my memory with happy moments untill my sadness washes away from me ^^